What is Purity Culture?

Evangelical Christian purity culture was based on biblical teachings that were promoted by mainstream evangelical Christian churches as a response to the changing sexual climate in America after the sexual revolution. These teachings and beliefs exposed individuals to sex-negative messaging that focused on the protection of virginity, restrictions on physical affection between opposite sexes, promoting modesty, sexual gatekeeping, restriction of female bodies, and a general lack of comprehensive sexual education. Many of the individuals exposed to these teachings and beliefs, felt ill-prepared for sexual experiences because a link was created between sex and sin which then morphed into a sex-negative perspective.

In the evangelical Christian community, women were told that they were less sexual than men and were therefore the gatekeepers of sexual morals within the community. They were expected to keep men from engaging in lustful or sexual thoughts and/or behaviors. The teachings of purity culture reinforced the belief that a woman’s worth was primarily determined by her level of purity and sexual activity. Purity culture routinely shamed girls for natural sexual expression and/or feelings. This shame has followed many of these women into adulthood, causing disturbances in relationships, intimacy, libido, and sexuality. Sexual shame can interfere with pleasure because it affects a person’s ability to feel seen, known, loved, and accepted with and through their sensual self. Pairing shame with sexuality and/or sexual thoughts over time, makes it difficult to disconnect them in the brain. Since the brain is our largest sex organ this can make it difficult for women to stay present during intimacy and/or experience desire, arousal, or orgasm.

Women who grew up in this culture often felt shame about their bodies, their libido, and all things related to sex. These healthy and natural feelings and/or desires that are part of the human experience were painted in a light that insinuated they were unnatural and sinful. The teachings of purity culture taught women that if they remained pure and saved themselves for marriage, they would be rewarded with an amazing sex life. Only heterosexual marriage was acceptable, and men were expected to be the sexual leaders and the head of the relationship. This created unrealistic sexual expectations for women around sex because while the church talked about modesty and purity, it did not discuss the importance of sexual desire, pleasure, consent, or sexual satisfaction. The evangelical church often created an environment that encouraged silence around sex, which made it even more difficult for women to communicate their feelings and questions when it came to sex and sexuality. So instead of questioning the validity of what they had been taught and/or promised, many of these women turned inward and blamed themselves which created sexual shame. Years later, studies have found that saving sex for marriage does not accurately predict sexual satisfaction among married couples.

The evangelical Christian purity movement may have had good intentions, but ultimately became destructive for many. Unfortunately, that destruction was predominantly shouldered by women, leaving generations of women struggling with unrealistic expectations, disappointment, hurt, sexual dysfunction, and sexual shame. Helping women identify and process the shame they have carried from the exposure to these religious teachings and beliefs is imperative since they often stifle women’s sexual expression to the point that they can incur significant emotional distress. Helping women identify and deconstruct this shame and replace it with confidence in themselves as women and as sexual beings, will not only change their lives but also the entire culture moving forward.

“The purity message is not about sex. Rather, it’s about us: who we are, who we are expected to be, and who it is said we will become if we fail to meet those expectations. This is the language of shame”
– Linda Klein